The following was sent to us this week. It's not new, and we suspect has been around on the net for some time, but it's perennially appropriate, so …
of the late lamented
Mr. Common Sense Esq.
R.I.P.
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as …
• … knowing when to come in out of the rain …
• … why the early bird gets the worm …
• … life isn't always fair …
• … and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (e.e."don't spend more than you can earn") and reliable strategies (e.g. "adults, not children, are in charge").
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
He declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Elastoplast to a pupil, but could not inform parents when a pupil became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his four stepbrothers, I-know-my-rights, I-want-it-now, Someone-else-is-to-blame-for-my-misfortune, and I'm-a-victim.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
MORE IMPORTANTLY …
Can you imagine working for a company that has just over 600 employees, among whom …
• 29 have been accused of domestic violence
• 7 have been arrested for fraud
• 19 have been accused of bouncing bad cheques
• 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
• 3 have done time for assault
• 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
• 4 have been arrested on drug-related charges
• 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
• 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
• 84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last year?
Which organization is this?
It's the 635 members of the House of Commons, the same group that churns out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.
Bastards.
The GOS says: Actually, this is probably a load of b*ll*x. If not, it's a little odd that almost exactly the same figures apply, it is claimed, to American congressmen. Still, what the hell ... it's reported in the newspapers today (28th May 08) that backbenchers are demanding a 66% pay rise, to bring their earnings up to £100,000 a year.
Meanwhile, going back to the subject of Common Sense, the East Anglian Daily Times this week led with an article about research conducted by a Suffolk charity, Safechild. The research reveals that half of Suffolk schoolchildren have gone to meet in the flesh someone who has contacted them online, and that 42% of them did so with no adult present. Girls as young as 12 commonly post "overtly sexual" images of themselves on the internet.
The research consisted of asking 200 children about their internet use. Suffolk policeman Neil Boast, who works with the Safechild charity, clarified what was meant by "overtly sexual". He said "When we looked at the sites the youngsters, particularly the girls, appeared overtly sexual in that they took their photographs in black and white".
Given that Suffolk is a largely rural county and that half the schoolchildren there probably live in small villages with no regular bus or train links, it's evident that the other half, those who live in the flesh-pots of Bury St.Edmunds, Saxmundham and Sudbury, are having one hell of a social life.
Or ... dare we suggest ... they're telling porkies, and these ridiculous, self-serving do-gooders are too thick to spot it?
either on this site or on the World Wide Web.
Copyright © 2008 The GOS
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